...and look at me now. I am fifty now and on my birthday I made the statement that this would be my best decade yet. I have not gotten off to a very good start, my sobriety, relationship with George, finances, all wrong. I have some good things happening, and I try to dwell on them, but I have a nagging need to fix all the wrongs before I miss out on a good life. Or something.
In October George and I got in an argument over money spent on groceries (of all things), and mostly due to the fact that he'd been drinking all day, things escalated and his old violent self started showing. I could not talk to him and got scared so I left him. I was, for a short while, energized about starting a new life with Elissa close by. But I could not leave like that for lots of reasons, so I came home. Home. I'm still not sure I did what was best for me, as a woman, but it is the most responsible, I think.
I have since started therapy with Dr. Z, began looking for volunteer work, and try to be content with being a caregiver. That all doesn't sound like much. I am not content and I feel lonely and depressed. I know all the "have to dos" that is supposed to help, and I know I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and that is what I am doing. Some new things have come my way that are positive, Elissas' wedding being the biggest. I am so happy about her happiness. Seeing them at Thanksgiving was proof about that, and being included with the wedding plans makes me feel good and anxious all at once.
The above should be in two paragraphs, I started rambling. Before I started writing tonight I read everything up till now, and there have been lots of mistakes as far as writing goes. I'm glad I'm not being graded!
Christmas is comming and we are broke. I have tried to remember the reason, and be joyous, but, God help me, I have a ways to go. I keep trying though, one day at a time.
Peace
