Legacy

This afternoon has turned into a "norm", one I'm not happy with. So what to do? I can't change him, but I'd like to see him happier. I feel bad seeing him off to work when he's already hurting, and then I do my thing and feel good. I think I have lived this way with another couple: Mama and Daddy...

All my growing years I remember Daddy dressing in a suit and going to Lockheed. Mama was a housewife and took care of us all. When Daddy got home in the afternoon he'd change clothes, Mama would get his tea and he'd read the paper or work in the yard till supper time. After supper he'd finish what he'd been doing and most times go to bed early. Once in a while he'd watch T.V. , but not often. I don't remember them talking alot and when they did, Daddy would usually fuss about money, and Mama would try to explain. They didn't have any close friends, except a small group that had been neighbors when they got married. Neither one had any interests, except the yard and garden, but no personal ones. They were both depressed, but Daddy was seriously so. Needless to say this made big impressions on me, and most likely my younger sister, too.

Now I see us like that, for different reasons but the same result. We could be enjoying our life much more. I think there are some ways George could be a little better. I mentioned some of these to him, but he didn't seem to be ready to make changes.

Now that I am doing so well there is a lot I want to do, I want to live and enjoy life and the blessings God has given us! So my delimma is do I go ahead and do my thing and take care of him, and leave him alone? I already had two things I wanted to do this summer that he shot down for his own reasons, and that makes me resentful, and I don't like feeling this way.

Oh well, these are the days of our lives! I do believe if I keep trying things will work out for the best for us all. I could use some help, though :)

Peace

Day By Day

Day by day is how it's been, I am happy yet discontent at the same time. I am happiest when I'm delivering meals, I get a real high. Then I rush home to fix lunch and see the soap with George before I take hime to work. Then I have the rest of the day to myself, and sometimes that's good, when I have plans. Days I don't have anything special to do I get antsy and tend to get blue in a hurry. There is plenty of things I always can do, sometimes I cannot get motivated, even when I want to do something, i.e. the gym.

I have found something that makes me feel good, and helps someone else at the same time- I have taken one of my "peeps" to the store twice. Delores has had brain surgery (she had a tumor), and she also has feet problems, so I understand her. She is seventysomething, and determined to keep walking even when it takes her forever and hurts. She also tries to pay her bills and is having trouble with it. I am cautious about how much I get involved with, but she talks to me and shares all these things,and I want to help her.

Another one of my "peeps" is a woman named Tillie. She told me last week that I was all she had to look forward to everyday and she hates weekends when I don't come. I decided to help her too, but she hasn't asked yet. I thought about going to take her for a hamburger last night, but I couldn't get out of my funk. I will, though.

I have been worrying about money and bills, and I have a hard time getting George to just go over them sometimes. I know worrying is negative, and I fight it, and I get mad and feel like I shouldn't be alone with that. I guess I'm not happy about our stuff and I don't want to admit it. I go up and down, and I've talked to Z. I guess I'll keep it up for now, at least.


Peace