High School (Short Track)

It started out to be exciting and intimidating and scary, like most freshmen I guess. Being a loner I truly felt the pressure of the masses. I told myself I didn't care about the "cliques" or having the most people to say hi to in the halls, but in a way I did. So I was tough. I stuck to my old group of friends, and did my own thing.

Life at home was what was tough. Daddy was home and Mama went to work. So I took over cooking supper, and housework, in addition to homework. That meant I wasn't able to do afterschool stuff, I was busy learning to cook. I remember well calling Mama at work so she could talk me through biscuits or whatever. I had Daddy for company instead of friends, and he was, for lack of a better word, difficult. I know my sister was around at that time, but I don't remember much.

I had some good things, I got involved in chorus and met a guy that was very unique, and became my best friend. He looked like David Bowie, and would go from "distinguished" to plain silly in a second. He was struggling with his sexuality, and I helped him cope and he helped me, and we had a lot of fun in general. Our relationship is a story for itself as he became a hugh part of my life, even taking me to the busstop when I left home.

I had a boyfriend for a couple of years, he was not from school. He was a real country boy and worked and had a car, so that was cool (I thought). I was allowed to go to football games with him and ended up at the drive-in most times. He introduced me to some things, like R-rated movies, and Jim Beam. We would talk and talk, on the phone, at the pool, even some at the drive-in. He told great hillbilly stories, and he thought I believed them! I was crushed when he broke up with me the summer before my sophomore year.

Looking back, both the guys important in those years were as different as night and day. So was I on the inside, so it fits. Neither one suited Mama or Daddy, although they were always polite and friendly to all my friends. I'm not going into my other friends because I want to move on, and each of them deserve a lot of time. That's another blog.

That's all some outside things of that time, but it was on the inside that everything seemed all wrong. I spent as much time as I could away from home or in a book when I was at home. I loved to go for long walks in the woods with my dog, I loved nature and could feel at home inside myself when I was out. I felt the peace that was never in my home.

I didn't know the words for it then, but we were a "disfunctional family" since before my time. On the outside everything looked normal, like I said, but even my good memories, things I really thought were good, are overshadowed by a dark heavy feeling. I always had to be careful with what I said, or showing emotions. I was criticized for everything from my biscuits to my looks. I would try hard to please in the beginning and then nothing would be right, so I'd either have hurt feelings or I'd be mad. Eventually, I got tired of living like that, and I had gotten enough outside experience to know everyone was not that way. So I had to go find a better way. I was seventeen and had sixty dollars, and a feeling, so I left home on a Greyhound to Lexington, Kentucky. What a trip...

Peace