A Nutshell

September

Another month is here already! This is the gateway to fall (in my mind), and I'm always sad to see summer end. Don't get me wrong, fall is wonderful and crisp and colorful, and it can make me feel that way, but behind that is winter... I will work at enjoying what is now.

I have been thinking about writing about my past, I have been told it's interesting, and it is, and I don't want to forget anymore than I have. It's about who I was then, and who I am now. Let's see, where to start? I guess a little about my family when I was growing up would be good (or at least give some perspective).

So, I'm the fourth of five daughters, my mothers' first born. There is six years between me and my next older sister and myself and my younger sister. According to experts in birth orders that makes me an only child. Isn't that weird? Looking back, that's how it felt when I was comming up.

My daddy was a purchasing agent for Lockheed (high stress, I'm told), and my mama was a domestic goddess (homemaker). We lived a average middle class life, PTA, church, Girl Scouts, etc.. I mention this because in spite of all that, there was always an undercurrent.
It kept us apart, and even as a kid I was aware of something. A lot was blamed on Daddys
job.

I loved to play outside, anything or nothing at all, just loved outside. Girl Scouts was really important to me, as it got me out of the house, and taught me to camp. That was a biggie. Oh yeah, school was number one, and straight A's were expected. I was blessed, and it came easy to me untill the rebellion kicked in. That was somewhere during 7th grade and 9th.

Lockheed sent Daddy to work in New England the year I started Jr. High, and it was so great! Mama let me have some freedom, and she seemed happy. Then Daddy accepted the job in New England permantly, so we moved to Connecticut the summer before 8th grade. Things got bad in a big rush, Daddy had what they called a "nervous breakdown". I saw him cry for the first time and I knew then that he was sick. We moved back to Smyrna before Thanksgiving. That was a really hard time for everybody, and that is all I have to say about that!

That's my childhood in a nutshell. I had to say all that because that is how I used to tell myself (and therapists) I came to be a mess (as Mama said). That's all the shit I can take for now, I'll carry on next time.

Peace